transgressings | inbox for duplicity;

[ It will likely be a sensation that she never becomes accustomed to, that suddenness of being in one place and then an entirely different one altogether in quick succession — and she's grateful, in that moment, for Mary's hands on her when she briefly experiences the feeling of her knees primed to give out on her. ]

You might offer a bit of warning next time.

[ She's teasing, of course, in the murmur she offers into that slight space between them, their foreheads tipped together as she speaks from behind closed eyes; her hands rise to settle in the crooks of the other woman's arms as she takes a steadying breath and then another, slowly coming back to herself. ]

Why did you want to bring me here?

I trust my wards.

( not solely the ones around the room but around the club in general, trusting nick and dorian's magic, having added her own to it in part. but this room is even more protected, spells around it that they're unfamiliar with protecting its location, those inside it.

but that was why lilith had chosen to come here, not why she'd wanted to bring vanessa here. her arms lower, slight step away from her, head lowered )

You may feel secured where you were but-- for a moment I wanted to feel secured with you.

( she may no longer feel the eyes watching her but it was a difficult memory to shake )

[ She isn't expecting the other woman to step away but when she does, it's an indication evident that something unbeknownst to her has occurred, something that she may still be haunted by if the brief look that flickers over Mary's face is one she's discerned correctly.

She won't let Mary surrender that proximity between them so readily, quickly reaching out to collect both of the other woman's hands in her own as she attempts to guide them to a seat. She's not quite steady on her own feet yet, but if her instincts are correct, she may not be the only one in need of some respite. ]

What can I do?

( though she doesn't cling to her lilith does allow herself to be drawn back to vanessa, letting their knees touch as they sit for an additional point of contact.

her head remains dipped for a few seconds before tilting it up to look at vanessa again, quiet contemplation on her expression )

There isn't anything that I seek.

( comfort, certainly though she finds it a weakness to ask for such a thing, unknowing how to even if she thought it possible. she stretches her fingers within vanessa's grip, attempting to lace them together )

Your company is enough.

You have it.

[ She uses the shared grasp of their hands as an anchor, something physical to keep them tethered to this plane; whatever will help the other woman feel more at ease, even if she's not entirely certain if this much will suffice.

Still, her thumbs carefully sweep over the edge of slender hands, a contact that makes an effort to soothe by its repetition. ]

Perhaps a drink?

( she lets the thought of a drink sit for a moment, it a good thought but lilith not wanting yet to break the contact between them )

Your-- friends. ( the first word that had come to mind was men ) They're safe with you? They were at the safehouse?

( she's using the conversation as a distraction, thoughts of something other than herself )

Yes.

[ There's a considerable amount of relief in her voice when the question leads her to turn to thoughts of the others; Ethan, in a manner perhaps befitting of his unique condition, has been exhibiting signs of tension with the idea of being so confined to one space, and the safehouse is considerably smaller than the dwelling they normally inhabit on Middlemist, but she can't bring herself to protest much when she's been able to guarantee their safety to a certain extent.

She can't control them by any means, can't force them to stay, but they seem to have all reached the conclusion on their own that battening down the hatches and waiting for the worst of it to blow over is the best possible route at this juncture.

Her smile is brief, a small pressing of her lips together, and she nods. ] The house was ill-equipped to protect us from any groups with chaos on their minds. It's a bit cramped in comparison, but at least there we're not likely to encounter any gangs affiliated with either side of the conflict.

If I'd known-- ( lilith may have taken her to the safehouse but she didn't press vanessa's reasons for leaving ) --there were wards I could have provided, kept your home more hidden.

( but it matters little. vanessa is safe and she seems happy enough, surviving in this time and with people that she dearly cares for )

But-- as long as you're happy. And safe.

It is — inconsequential.

[ Those things they may or may not still be in possession of by the time they return; she has never placed much worth in owning many personal effects, although she'd come to this city with nothing but the dress she'd been wearing and hasn't worn it since. It's tied much too closely to a part in her life she'd rather not revisit, not in front of those people who might react poorly to the truth.

So she's quick to assure Mary that any lack of knowledge isn't necessarily crucial. ] There is nothing in that house that I would object to parting with, save the people in it. And they are safe for the moment.

( she wants to say more on it, to make a promise but here vanessa is reassuring her instead. it makes lilith just watch her, wondering how she's so calm through all of this. though usually that would be her role, the calm witch, experienced-- but not now.

it's an impulse that has her leaning into vanessa, light brush of her lips against the other woman's. she's seeking comfort, the calm that vanessa feels and a distraction from all that disturbs her )

[ This is not the first time they have sought each other and yet it feels as though the other woman desires something very specific from her — comfort, perhaps, or the reminder that she is not alone in a place that often seems more forsaken than anywhere they have ever existed — and Vanessa responds to the kiss with a soft sound, hand rising to gently stroke fingers along the soft curve of her cheek. ]

Mary —

[ She breathes the name there, into that diminished space, for perhaps she needs this too, more than she even realized she did until this moment. ]

( this shouldn't surprise her, it shouldn't make her pause. vanessa's only ever known her as mary wardwell and yet there's something about how lilith's currently feeling that makes her pull away, watching vanessa.

and-- she doesn't entirely know where to go from here. her encounter with the archivist had left her feeling exposed, raw under his gaze, the feeling of being watched still following her. and there's something about it, about being here with vanessa that makes the next words come out before she's really thought about them-- )

My name isn't Mary.

[ It's a withdrawal she doesn't expect, so soon after the initiation of that kiss, and her brow furrows with concern, wondering if perhaps she's misinterpreted what the other woman needs in this moment, whether she's misunderstood where her desires truly lie.

But then the admission is dropped into the near-silence of the room and she begins to understand what may have been warring in the other witch all this time: the compulsion to be honest, even if Vanessa has no knowledge of what could have motivated her to tell the truth. ]

No?

[ She doesn't pull away, doesn't release the shared clasping of their hands; there's tacit permission in that contact for the other woman to elaborate in divulging a secret that she may have needed to keep all this time for greater reasons. ]

( if she really thought about it lilith would realise that this mild curiosity was typical of vanessa but her mind isn't clear, having expected the woman to pull away.

her gaze flicks down, the realisation of her own words catching up to her before she looks at vanessa because there's no going back now )

It's Lilith.

( the pause signifies more because who doesn't have a story but-- what does she do with it. tell it all, hint a little? she's told her truth before but this is a different situation, a different feeling for the person she's telling it to )

I-- There's a lot to tell you.

Lilith.

[ The name pings at the bells of her awareness but no more than that; she doesn't yet know if it holds any type of significance but she could very well guess that the reason this woman had for obstructing her real name is greater than anything than the desire to guard the truth. ]

Were you truthful, then, when you told me you were a witch?

[ She's witnessed that power time and time again, been made aware of Lilith's longevity, but it seems there is still much she hasn't been told. Still, she doesn't relinquish the grip of Lilith's hand in her own, thumb carefully smoothing along the soft edge. ]

Yes.

( she could say moee, that she's also a demon but considering vanessa's troubling affairs with them it feels more difficult to admit. perhaps telling her everything, leading into it with all of her story would make it simpler )

I was the first witch of my world.

Then I suppose not all of your story was a misdirect.

[ Because some of it she does know, that this woman has been alive for many years, has lived out a long existence, perhaps not an immortal one but rather close to it — and that is a concept that Vanessa has been introduced to through many people, not merely the woman sitting in front of her. ]

Is there more you did not share?

( this time the honesty does come because vanessa asks for it. and it surprises her that she's so willing to answer when lilith shares none of her tale usually or at least far less than this. but she also feels vulnerable, not solely because of what the archivist has done but because of vanessa, that this witch stirs emotions in her that she's long forgotten, that she wasn't certain she again could feel )

I have a long life, much of it I share to no one. ( the only people that did really know of her life were because they were from her world because her life was told of in the unholy bible )

But-- ( a quick gathering of thoughts. lilith knows that because of vanessa's faith that she'll at least recognise parts of it which is why she words it as she does, to let vanessa connect the dots ) The first place that I knew was-- a paradise. Somewhere supposedly perfect, created for me. For my husband.

( for him certainly and the wife that she was supposed to be but not who she was.

she starts with the hebrew name for it before then translating-- ) Eden.

[ It is not that she doesn't believe; perhaps it would be easier in the telling of it if she did not, but she has spent so much of her life immersed in stories that are only more than that to those who are willing to put their faith in them. One can read about the Almighty all they like but without that deeper understanding of Him, it will only be a story and nothing that holds any significant meaning.

The stroke of her thumb stills against the edge of that hand and she doesn't relinquish the contact altogether but there is a moment when it feels that the very air stops, changes around them; her brow furrows first in confusion and then in slowly growing realization as she begins to understand the magnitude of the moment, the significance of the woman who sits before her.

Of course, different interpretations of what some would consider a myth have persisted over the years, but some elements have remained constant regardless of the telling. ]

But you did not stay there.

I could not.

( even if she had not been banished it was not any place that lilith had really enjoyed, not for eden itself but the one she had to share it with. it made it difficult to appreciate the paradise )

I wanted something that they were unwilling to permit me. Equality.

( women were not made to be subservient. that was her belief -- her truth )

I suppose that would leave anyone unsatisfied with the place they believed they could occupy forever.

[ And even now, she thinks, one would not choose to leave paradise so readily unless there was a firm reason for it, though she doesn't pry into what the reason here might be — satisfied, seemingly, by the explanation that equal standing was longed for and yet denied. ]

Where did you go?

There was nowhere to go.

( not yet at least, not when the world itself was so new )

After the false god banished me-- I wandered the wilderness, a vast, wasteland. Years I spent there-- until another came.

( this is the part that lilith knows that vanessa will have trouble with but-- she tells it anyway. only witches of her world really understand but that's been their belief. not vanessa's )

Lucifer, fallen from Heaven.

[ It is a long time before she says anything at all, though she seems to understand that this is far from the end of the story — but rather, its own beginning. ]

Yes. He and I are... well-acquainted. As you've seen.

[ Though she hasn't gone into detail about her history with the deceiver, but she has also been tormented by many a demon, not just the ruler of them all. ]

You were also his desired?

( she's quiet for a moment, this becoming a heavy part of her life, particularly with what she's started realising over the more recent months )

For a long time, I believed so.

( she'd been with him for 6000 years and though he'd turned cruel long ago-- she'd believed in his plan )

But-- I was simply his handmaiden. Not what he'd promised.

[ She nods, understanding the deception, the empty promises, the reassurances of power before it all becomes obviously apparent that he would only use her as a means to an end.

It had been like that for her, once — not just the devil himself but the man purported to be his brother, the monster who had corrupted Mina, who had sought to make her his bride. Now, she sees that manipulation for what it truly was, his desire to use her to destroy the world. Her hand weighs Lilith's in her own, maintaining that light clasping. ]

And when you discovered what he truly was, what did you do?

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